Beyond Distance


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May 13, 2008
New Tricks

Yesterday was another tough day. Kay cried a lot again. We guessed she was bored but we were also not sure what to do to make her happy. We tried to talk to her, carry her around (till my hand hurt), give her toys & play with her. But nothing worked. I also tried searching on the internet about bored baby but couldn't find anything Sad.

Today, when she cries, I and Ming try to do "unusual" things that we can think of. We try to think what she may want. We try changing her position few times (lay down on the sofa and move her around to face different direction, sit down, lay her on my stomach, etc) because we think she may be bored with the same position or feel hot on her back or feel uncomfortable. When she is still restless and cries (even when we carry her), we put her on a stroller and move her around the house. And guess what! These tricks WORK (although not all the time Wink) !! The last trick to let her ride on her stroller was inspired from my habit when I was a baby (thanks to Ming who remembers my parents' story about my childhood's habits) Big Smile. I used to cry a lot before sleeping and my parents had to put me on their car and drive around till I fell asleep. Since we don't have a car here, we make a modified version of it using a stroller Tongue.  

Posted at 11:33 am by cicu
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May 10, 2008


Finally yesterday I had a chance to relax for a while (thanks to Ming!). I went for swimming and hot jacuzzi while Ming brought Kay for a walk around our condo and then watched me swimming beside the pool. What a great feeling to be able to relax even just for 1 hour Shades. I never appreciated time to rest before Kay arrived. But now I often yearn for a short afternoon nap Tongue.

Today Kay decided to cry a lot cry. So, I and Ming take turn to carry her and try to pacify her. She has also developed a "new style" of drinking milk which makes it difficult for us to feed her Shocked. She refused to finish her milk in one sitting. Instead, she drank only half of it and asked for more milk 1 hour later. Also, she will keep jumping while drinking, turn her head to left and right repeatedly, and bite the bottle's teat. Hope tomorrow she will be in a good mood and continue her old style of drinking!

Posted at 02:15 pm by cicu
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May 8, 2008
Update ...

Fanny: It's been a long time since I post here. I will try to revive our blog again (with Joe's persuasion again Tongue). Let's see how long I can consistently write again Big Smile

Just a quick update on our "love story":
After around 8 years of courtship (with 7 years of long distance relationship), I and Ming got married on May 21, 2005. So, now we are together ... no location or time difference anymore Smile

On Feb 26, 2008 we were blessed with an additional family member, a very adorable baby girl. We call her "Kay". Our daily activities now revolve around Kay .. feeding her, changing her diapers, bathing her, chatting with her (yes, she is only 2+ months old now but she likes to "talk" to us Wink), playing with her ... But it's fun because every time she will show "new skills" Shades. Now she can smile, laugh, "talk" to us, "move around" on the sofa, grasp some objects, ...

I guess our next postings here will be mostly about Kay Smile

Posted at 12:49 pm by cicu
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Dec 5, 2003
Favourite Song

My favourite song :)

This is The Night
by Clay Aiken

When the world was in upside down
I could take all the time I had
But I'm not gonna wait
When a moment can vanish so fast
Cause every kiss is a kiss you can never get back

Lift me up in your arms
If you told me that's where heaven is
(Well, you'd be right)
I've been waiting forever for this
This is the night

When the answer to all my dreams
Is as close as a touch away
Why am I here holding back what I'm trying to say

Lift me up in your arms
If you told me that is where heaven is
(Well, you'd be right)
Hold me close to your heart
I will go with you to the end of the Earth
(And we'll fly)
I've been waiting forever for this
This is the night

This is the night where we capture forever
And all out tomorrows begin
After tonight we will never be lonely again

Lift me up in your arms
If you told me that is where heaven is
(Well, you'd be right)
Hold me close to your heart
I would go with you to the end of the Earth
(And we'll fly)
I've been waiting forever for this
This is the night

Posted at 09:25 am by cicu
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Dec 4, 2003

Today I am not feeling well, sorethroat and dizzy :( I just want to post an interesting article. It is quite long but it is good for reflection.

Partner and Marriage
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most
heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friend before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible.

If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief.

Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself.

We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.

Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion.
All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.

There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps.

Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be
leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.

Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex. So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation.

If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.

If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

Posted at 08:11 am by cicu
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Nov 21, 2003
Wake Up

I almost give up to wake Ming up today :( We had a 12 hours different but currently the time different is 11 hours because of daylight saving. I always wake him up around 9 pm (Singapore time) so it's around 8 am in Waterloo. It is a daily routine for me and normally it is not so difficult except for today. I just need to call him several times through msn and he will wake up within a few minutes. I don't know what happened today but he just didn't respond at all. I try to call him (by phone) but it didn't work as well :( My call was answered by the answering machine twice. I gave up.........  I waited for 1 hour and finally he woke up at 9 am (his time). What a relief..... And now I am chatting again with him :)

Today I slept so soundly so that I couldn't hear Fanny calling :) :) Hybernating during the winter is definitely the best thing to do :) Today I eat black tiger shrimp. It's very delicious, there are plenty of seafood here, such as salmon, scallop, cod fish, etc. Fruits are also plenty (to eee: yes, there are bananas too here). It is vegetables that are very expensive. A small package of spinach costs $3.29 (about Rp 20.000) :(

Posted at 09:52 am by cicu
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Nov 20, 2003
Food & Relationship

Today my flatmate's parents come and they bring a lot of food. Unfortunately I have eaten before I came back :P But tomorrow I can eat : empek2, mangga,... :D:D

wah, we do not expect this "many" visitors in such a few days, especially because we haven't written much. A lot of people seem to be surprised when we told them that our long-distance relationship has lasted for almost 6 years (it's only a week away before the exact 6 years :) ). you know, love can go beyond distance and it requires much to maintain this kind of relationship, such as loyalty, honesty, communication, patience (gaya :D ).

Then about my thesis, this seems to be the most frequently asked question for me, especially in these last few months. I met my supervisor again yesterday and things seem to start to go in the right direction. After all, I only have 8 months left, so I really hope I can finish it soon.

Posted at 09:25 am by cicu
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Nov 18, 2003

Finally, I have a chance to write into our blog :) These days I have been really busy with my work. I think I will be busier after today (try to find an excuse not to update our blog :P). This afternoon I had a meeting for almost 2 hours and the conclusion is that our department should produce at least 6 paper before june 2004. Since our department has 6 people, it means that I should also produce at least a paper :| Hopefully, I can get some good results.

Today my office has a new food court, which is called "soul food".I am very happy with that  :) because I can get my breakfast easily and I don't need to depend on bread :P (because I don't like bread and cake). This food court is  quite interesting as all stalls there are the stalls recommended by "makan sutra". "Makan sutra" is a TV programme that recommends "the best food stalls" in Singapore.

I feel dizzy again, I need to Zzzzzzzz.............

Posted at 09:05 am by cicu
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Nov 15, 2003


Finally we decide to write our own blog because our friend, Joe, keeps insisting us to do so. tongue.gif If you want to know more about him you can visit
his blog.

OK, so why do we choose this blog title? This is because right now we live in different countries which are 9334 miles away. Actually we are rarely in the same country since we've been together but we always communicate everyday, no matter what smile.gif

A few days ago it starts snowing here so I feel more lazy going out. Well, actually I never like going out so it doesn't matter anyway. This morning I spend my time chatting with Fanny as usual. She is always so fun to chat with smile.gif

Today I woke up at around 9 o'clock and start our normal chatting session again until 10.30 Before I off my laptop, my sister was suddenly online so I chatted with her for a while.

No one at home today Etta and Khisi went for cyclin at Pulau Ubin, Mike dissapeared since morning, and Yen Ju went to take air-ticket for her parent. Since my house is empty, I decided to go out too and buy a new handbag. I went to City Hall and Orchad but I couldn't find any nice bag that I want. I ended up buying nothing but potato chips sad.gif Everywhere was so crowded today (Saturday) so I decided to go home before 8 pm. At 9 pm, we start our normal chatting session again until now laugh.gif
That's all for today....... see you tomorrow (if I am not lazy to write again laugh.gif)

Posted at 11:09 am by picu
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